Full Moon
by Aeli Kindara
Summary: She loves the full moon more than anything else, and always has. To him, it is a tormentor, and its only meaning is pain.


**Disclaimer:** I do not own the world of Harry Potter, and am making no profit off of this story. It is for my entertainment, and hopefully, for that of others as well.

* * *

"Do you remember before you were bitten, Remus?"

"Only very vaguely. Happiness. Warmth. Family."

"But you don't remember the full moon."

"Except for the night I was bitten, no."

"That's so sad."

"How come?"

"Because it means you've never experienced it."

"What d'you mean? I consider myself very — intimately — acquainted with the full moon."

"What's the full moon to you?"

He cocks his head at her, not sure of why she is asking. "Pain, and sorrow, and regret. Bitter-tasting blood and tears. Tearing. Pain."

"That's exactly what I mean," she replies. "You've never seen the full moon as anything else, have you?"

"No." He sounds almost curious.

"You've never lain in bed in the middle of the night and had the light of the full moon shining through the slit in the curtains oh-so-bright, and lifted your head to look around and have the brightness of the moon flash in your eyes. You've never looked out in the night in the middle of the winter and seen it lighting the snow up nearly as bright as day. You've never tucked your head behind the curtain and read in its light, when everyone else is asleep. You've never gotten up in the middle of the night to go sledding in its light."

Remus is silent. _When you've been doing those things, I've been howling in anguish and wishing for the whole night to be over._ _You don't know what it's like — how much you want it to just be over._

"You're so sad, Remus. I wish I could help you. I wish I could let you see the full moon."

-

_Night of the full moon. He waits miserably in the Shrieking Shack, sitting on the floor, knees drawn up to his chest and arms clasped around them. Wishing the night to be over before it's even started. It'll be over in just a few hours, Remus. Not long. Not long at all. But it is… God, how can just a few hours last for eternity?_

_She sits on the bed in her dorm room, reading, trying to distract herself. She knows that he is out there, waiting all alone, and it tears her apart. She glances out the window, but the moon is still below the horizon, and the sun has not yet disappeared behind the mountains. With a lonely sigh, she returns to her book._

_He can never tell whether the lack of windows into the Shack is a blessing or a curse. It means he can never tell when the full moon is upon him, but it also means he won't watch it agonizingly begin to peek over the horizon. He's either transforming or he's not. Now, though, just as he glances up one more time, he feels his body stiffen, as pain tears through him. His bones splinter, muscles and tendons tearing free, and he howls in anguish. The full moon's rays seem to penetrate through the walls and rip away his human facade like some dry husk the wind blows away. The pain is in his very blood, and he does not know where he is, or who he is, or what he is. With a rending cry, he is torn away from himself, tossed about in a storm of pure torment. God, let it be over. Just let it be over._

_When she looks up again, the moon is peeking over the horizon. As she watches, oh so still, it rises, hanging above the trees, larger-than-life. When she turns, she sees a glorious sunset behind the mountains, ribbons of orange and red and lavender and blue flung across the sky. Sunset and moonrise, oh so glorious, at either end of the vault of sky. She has always loved the full moon, but now it tears her apart — what she sees there is the brilliant white orb she knows so well, but she also knows that not too far away, those very rays that delight her eyes are ripping her Remus apart. A solitary tear trickles down her cheek, and she returns to her seat._

_It will be a long night, for both of them. When the moon finally sinks down behind the horizon, he will lie panting on the floor, beaten and bloodied, slowly returning to himself. And she will watch it go with a pang, a pang of sorrow because of the way she loves it, and a pang of relief for the way she loves Remus. And she will lie in bed but will not fall asleep, her heart full of sorrow, because she is no longer a child._

-

"I'm in love with you, you know, Remus."

"And I'm in love with you."

"I know."

Silence.

"I'll always love you. For ever and ever and ever."

"Forever is a long time."

"Do you really think that I'll ever stop loving you?" he asks her quietly.

"No." She gazes at the ground, tracing a pattern in the dirt with her toe. "I just think that forever is a long time."

-

"You're breaking up with me?"

"I'm sorry, Remus! I'm so sorry. I don't want to…"

"Then why?" He will not cry. He will not.

She pauses for a long time, and he wonders if she heard him.

"I love you, Remus. I'll always love you."

"Then —"

"It's just…" Her voice is soft, so soft he can hardly hear it, and so sorry and guilty. "I love the full moon more."

* * *

**A Note on the Origin of the Story and the Identity of the Female Character:** Well, when I first thought of this idea, I was trying to come up with a good idea for a story about Luna Lovegood (there are some really good Luna stories out there). I was thinking about quirky things Luna might do, and I thought of how much I love to look out my window in the middle of the night in the winter when there's a full moon. And I was thinking about how I want to go out skiing some night when there's a full moon and it's really bright. And then I thought that Remus had never gotten a chance to really experience the full moon… Then some dialogue popped into my head between Remus and a female character, and this was born. However, I'm not a fan of the whole teacher-student relationship thing, and the Remus I'm writing is not as grown-up as teacher Remus, so 'she' couldn't be Luna. I guess she might be an OC… But really, the way I wrote this was based on some Remus/Lily stories I've read, and when I was writing, I was thinking of her as Lily. So I guess to me she'll always be Lily. (If you've read "Remus Lupin Died Today" — I know in the summary and in one of the lines I said it was from James's perspective, but when I was writing it, I was _writing_ Sirius. I just didn't want to have Remus and Sirius as the two main characters, because so much slash has been written between them that people searching for those two names probably wouldn't be interested in my story… yeah.) Anyway. Please review, and sorry for the long author's note. I can talk forever about myself; it's one of my many problems.


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